You think it's but it's just begun, cause everybodys got to die sometime.
Can things can better? Can things get worse?
I walk my path, I see the future, the light has faded, I walk in only darkness, without light I learn my way.
Back, those days where I would forget about the things around me, & go to my sanctuary, there I would sit as closest as I could to the man I had been pondering about for months. I'd pick my books, & fall into the words. She would come before school started, & we would drink shot after shot, smoking & laughing, "living the life". We taught each other jappenesse.
Winter would arive, & I would sit in my porch, watching the water move slowly, endless hours.
Wednesdays, every week, 6:30, we all saw each other, I raised my hands, I cried, I laughed, I spoke. I praised him, I praised him.
We would then sit by the lake, & lay & look at the stars & feel such relief, so much love. I love illusions.
Keeping track of everything I purged, of everything I ate, of every step I took, all the hours I spent doing nothing. I could not stay still, I could not enjoy reading, I could not sit & write. I was tormented. My own worst enemy.
I obsessed over my garden, & would not sleep because of my paranoa that it would die in a matter of seconds. Those days I would run home from school, unlock my house, & kill myself slowly.
Riding bike every night, listening to Nikki Sixx & his words. I had such an odd combination of songs.
Laying in the sand of a playground, writting stories to Lewis Carrol, praying he would somehow write back.